Now i'm really convicted that it's true. In my last post i mentioned about almost banging into a dog and a car, and today i got into an accident with a motor. jz great.

Early in the morning, i woke up at 7sth cos dad and i are going to penang airport to fetch my aunt and uncle, who had been in Hong Kong for the past week. Since dad picked up his fren to go along and also to keep him company during the journey, i've had the chance to sleep all the way until the airport XD. After picking up them, and also baggage fulled of yummy stuff, we got off to the town cos dad and his fren wanna get hardware stuff. Then we went to prangin mall for a stroll while dad's fren, who's a com wiz and my com's saviour, went to get his hardware stuff too. I walked around browsing and got some ps2 games for sis and then a watch. My youngest sister wanted my fake swatch very badly last time so i gave her, thus now i'm getting a new one for myself. Later on, we went for lunch before we went back taiping.

I slept again, until we were home. Then i took my sister to tuition, safely. On the way back, i went to the comic shop again to check for new comics besides chatting with my fren. Then, the journey back home was smooth too, and i'd never expect that i'd get into an accident 2 hours later. by 6pm, i went out again, being the amat at home. haiz...

I went to fetch my youngest sis first, since she's off at 6. after that i got the other one and went back home with the same route, thinking of going to a bookstore on the way cos liz (my sis) wanna get a liquid paper. so then, on the fateful junction which i past thru every single day, i drove straight like normal and suddenly this motor jz appear at my left and got really close to me, and still getting closer and closer until we banged. he scratched my kancil and he fell. I was horrified. wat the hell?! i saw him fall all the way and i got stunned. i jammed the brake, suddenly realizing i'm in the middle of the road, and so I frantically move to the side. I ran out of the car, saw the Ah Pek (a chinese old man) and was worried till death. he stood up, Thank God, and started picking up his stuff scattered on the road. he was limping abit but i dun think he's seriously injured. he told me to pick up his smashed bike and i did so. I was too frighten to think, and my brain stopped working that moment. He insisted that he's right, and i'm wrong. I was scared like hell and i couldn't think and din argue. My sis stood up for me *touched* but to no avail. So we give in and we follow him (his bike still working) to a motor repairing shop and checked the damages.

I was again terrified as the mechanic told me it cost 130 bucks. It's too much for my budget! i've only got 20 bucks, but liz got 60 and the other 70. I called mom, but she sound so calm and nonchalant.. it's not helping me anyway, but she said my uncle will come and settle this. So we waited, and it felt hell long before he came while i was like ant on hotpan. The Ah Pek was outrageous. he wanted me to pay extra 100 bucks for medical fee besides the motor repair fee. It's not fair! I dun even think it's my fault but i'm still paying him, and now he wants more?! it's plain bullying i tell you! But all this while i was too afraid even to whisper out my complains. My sis kept on telling each other he's fraud and he's picking on us etc. but we are jz kids. We are helpless, and i felt so the most. I'm a coward. In the end, even my dad came cos my uncle can't settle it cos he's mad at the Ah Pek. Dad was superb. he's settle the argument smiling composedly and he din get mad and fight or anything. That Ahpek still insist on the medical fee, and dad compromised. in the end dad gave 130 to the mechanic and 60 to that ah pek and case closed.

I cried on the way back home, driving with my sis in the car. I was frightened, and was still shaking but i din cry because of the accident. I cried because i felt so helpless without my dad, without an adult. Although i'm already 19, which is considered an almost-adult, i still can't do a single thing on my own. I used to think that after living on my own for about a year, i'd grown up already, but i found out that i'm jz the same brat i was during secondary school, or even primary school, if that matters. I even can't handle a small thing like this! I hate myself, being so weak and helpless. All this while i should have at least know that i'm such a coward but no, i'd overestimated myself. I'm a weakling. A crybaby. A useless sister who needs her younger sisters to stand up for her, and hide behind them, shivering.

I'm not crying anymore. but it still hurts. Nothing changed, i'm still a helpless child and i know now. Mom and Dad aren't back yet but i'll try to muster the strength to face them, like nothing happened. At least i have to act brave even if i'm not. i can't cry in front of them. they'd worry about me. Pls, pls God, let me be brave...